For Anyone Who Has Never Put One Of These On A Mattress Alone

Don’t do it. Get an army.

Screenshot of the offender by author

Anyone who has been reading my “work” for more than a minute and a half knows that I suffer terribly from allergies all year round but there are certain times of the year when it’s especially bad. Specifically, spring and fall. I am on several prescriptions: inhaler, eye drops, allergy medication, nasal spray, and I forget now what else. So yeah. It’s bad.

The product was bought for me. I would have much rather bought it myself and then had the help to put it on. Have you ever put one on? By yourself? Shitballs.

I got the end of the mattress in with a lot of huffing and puffing, thank you Mother Nature, and seasonal allergies. Okay, so this is like putting a onesie on a toddler. Got it. I’ve done this before. It’s been a minute but I’m sure I can do it again.

By the time I was one-third of the way up I had a new thought.

This is like trying to put a condom on a guy with ED.

What Nazis came up with this idea and thought it was a good one? Sheesh. By the time I got it halfway up, I had to take a break to catch my breath and sip my now cooled coffee. Then I got a vision. More like a flashback. It was a scene from a movie… *snap* Steel…