Hey, Have You Got a Minute?

I need to talk.

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I recently learned something about myself and I’m still trying to not only deal with it but to even be able to wrap my head around it. I just can’t believe it but it did come out of my mouth about me so I must be thinking it or feeling it, correct? What was the statement?

I feel worthless.

How is it possible to be so disengaged with oneself that you have no clue this is going on inside of you? I came about the revelation a couple of weeks ago. For those of you who don’t know, I had to medically retire at 55 which was just two years ago. I had always figured I’d work until I died. Isn’t that how it’s done? I just thought I’d be the 80-year-old in McDonald’s with the too red lipstick on wiping down tables.

I had two interviews in one week for my SSDI claim. The first interview was via Zoom with the “nicest” shrink I ever met. /sarcasm. She was hateful right out the gate. But I rolled with it. Ms. Personality had the power in her little shriveled hands to make my life worse. Who wants to be denied and then have to wait for a one-year minimum to get before an Admin judge? Yeah no, not me. I have patience but good Lord even mine are being sorely tested at this point. Needless to say, there wasn’t a whole of unburdening of myself at that appointment.