None of my People had Better Never do Anything Shady

They’ll be busted in no time at all.

Terry L. Cooper
3 min readApr 30, 2022
Image by Schäferle from Pixabay

I knew the technology existed. It actually began in the 1990s so it’s been around for about thirty years give or take. In 1998 the FBI established the Combined DNA Index System, or Codis, to house these types of profiles. So, if you had been fingered printed they already have you in the system. If you have a record as in committed a crime, evidence collected at the crime scene, they have your DNA on file. The next robbery, burglary, rape, etc. if they find your DNA at the scene they’re coming for you.

But what about those cases where no DNA is found? Or when DNA is found but there is no record for that person what do the cops do then? Back in the day the case would become a cold case and sit on the shelf. Detectives would pull the case files from time to time and rework the case. More often than not it would lead to nowhere.

Witnesses would die. Statements would change or be forgotten altogether.

But then the making of family trees and all that it entailed hit the scene with a vengeance.

Ancestry.com was the first major family tree maker on the scene having started in 1983. Technically, the Genealogical Society of Utah was the very first but no one other than the Mormons had ever heard of them. They were founded on November 13, 1894, but as of this writing, they still don’t offer DNA testing. Them aside after Ancestry it was 23andMe in April 2006. Then it was MyHeritage in 2003. There are about six others besides. Not all of them offer DNA testing.

Screenshot from my Ancestry

If I click on the “Discover Your DNA Story” then this pops up.

Ancestry.com screenshot

Click on the 73%…

Ancestry.com screenshot

They highlight the map for you to show you where your DNA comes from. For me, it’s Belgium, the Channels Islands, and England. So, I said all of this to say this.

If they can trace my DNA across an ocean to a specific region in a specific country what makes you think they can’t find cousin Re-Re who has decided that living a good life isn’t enough. Now he wants a life of crime.

Sure, he’s new at this and might be lucky enough to get away with it for a bit because there is none of his DNA in the police database. But what cousin Re-Re hadn’t counted on was cousin Terry having her DNA tested for the family tree! Now, police can access that DNA and run for matches. Re-Re leaves behind some fingerprints but cuts himself on a sharp edge as he’s running out of the house he’s just robbed. Crime Scene Investigators can swab that blood and run it through CODIS. CODIS comes up dry so then they try the various family tree registries.

BAM

50% match with cousin Terry. So now the cops come to cousin Terry’s house for a sit-down. Over coffee and cookies, cousin Terry tells the cops that if it’s anyone in the family it’s that no good shady AF cousin Re-Re.

Now they have a suspect backed up by DNA.

Look out cousin Re-Re. They’re coming for you!

So if anyone in your family is into the whole family tree, DNA testing thing I would suggest you change your number and move because if you screw up the police are going to come a knockin’ and these days, it’s as easy as D-N-A.

UPDATE 6–21–22

See. Told ya so.

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