My head the last week or two. (source)

Wake up at 3am with the sniffles. Grab a tissue. Huh. Not a runny nose per se, but a spontaneous nosebleed. In the middle of the freakin’ night. One afternoon I again had the sniffles. Thank God for Puffs with lotion. We’re already way over the TMI line, so I blew my nose and blood went everywhere. I mean everywhere. One blow and the tissue was soaked, my palm was full and there was even blood on a nearby wall.

What in the actual h3ll?

Two years ago I had a consultation with an ENT. After being used as a pincushion for two days (they call them allergy tests), I had my follow-up with him. I was now officially allergic to, well, everything. Even stuff that I had been exposed to since I was a kid. Oh, how I wished I had watched that John Travolta movie The Boy in the Bubble.

Where the ENT went wrong was in giving me a play-by-play of the surgery I was going to need:

**After I’m knocked out, break the snoz

**Reset said snoz

**Place the equivalent of two popsicle sticks in each nostril

**Place gauze packing in each nostril to keep the sticks in place

**Stitch mesh at the ends of each nostril so none of his craftsmanship will fall out

Then wait to die as soon as the general anesthetic wears off or hopefully heal in 6 weeks. Whichever comes first. He said the worst pain…